[S!N] STRENGTH !N NUMBERS: The Chronicles Of An Angry Black Queer: Will Cisgender, Heterosexual Black men and women stand with me and for me when I need them?

It should be noted that I am writing from my perspective, which is that of a Black, masculine presenting gay man who happens to be an Atheist. I will be writing about my thoughts and experiences as an activist, human and life in general. These posts will not be academic or even properly written in some of your opinions.

Entry #1: Will Cisgender, Heterosexual Black men and women stand with me and for me when I need them?

Lately I have been questioning how I feel about the question that lingers in the back of my mind, one that burns my mind with great interest. Will Cisgender, Heterosexual Black men and women stand with me and for me when I need them? For context, I mean will I get the same love and fight out of people if someone comes after me in any way for being gay while Black? To be honest, If I had to answer right at this very moment, the answer would be NO. It hurts when I think about it. When I see Black folks, I see folks that I want to protect and shield from a system of oppression, while feeling a shoe on my throat. Its their shoe that I feel! A lot of y'all tolerate me and then give me a pass for dressing like you think a man should dress. Y'all like my beard and tell me that I could still get it, could I be your baby daddy? But what if I wore tight jeans and spoke with a soft voice? It does not feel good when folks compare me to a tyrant like Suge Knight, another way to say that I am palatable to your possibly homophobic mind.

I know a lot of y'all don't hate me or anyone like me, but its hard for us to see this as factual. If y'all can talk about fucking, kissing, etc and then expect us to not do the same, what is fair about that? I went to the store today to get some punch and overheard a guy on the phone. Shit, couldn't help it because he was loud as fuck:

"If you gonna invite me over, just give me a heads up next time. I dont have a problem with being in the same room as a gay dude, but I need to prepare my head for that..."

- Random Black guy

What the fuck would you have to prepare your mind for? Most of the time I and many others of my orientation have to prepare our minds to be around y'all. Why are we such a threat to your fucking manhood?! To make things worse, y'all think every gay Black man that looks your way wants your ass and dick, when in reality we dont want you and are probably grossed the fuck out. You make yourself look ugly. Black women can dance with me/us, cook with me/us, shop with me/us and talk about their male exploits without my/our judgement. Often we are not extended the same courtesy, let us want to do the same, we are interrupted and asked to see if we can tell if the dude she is fucking is secretly looking at other dudes. I am not your personal gaydar, I aint into fashion or sports and I DON'T want your man.

These are some of the reasons why I keep getting no for answer when I ask myself if Cisgender, Heterosexual Black men and women stand with me and for me when I need them. A great example is the silence from the "activists" in Houston when this happen Deric Muhammad wrote that piece in the forward times about "teenage lesbianism." When I responded to it, many folks came to HIS defense and not the Black women he denigrated with that piece. I was asked on several occasions to go easy on him and others who have gotten away with this homophobia and misogyny.

READ HERE: Deric Muhammad & Houston Forward Times You ARE Homophobic

Go easy?! For context, I still care for Deric and his work, I don't see him as an enemy. But this shows that even in our Blackness that we can be oppressed by folk's violence through words. Why are you silent when we get called fags, punks, sissies, dykes and etc? Why were you silent when your pastors came out against the Houston Equal Rights Ordinance because of LGBT protections without regard to the reality that Blackness and Queerness exist in the same space and time. Why is intersectionality suddenly so foreign when I bring up the fact that I am affectionate toward the same gender? Yet WE are the first to stand when you get shot down by that blue bullet, the first to organize and protest. I see how y'all privilege the straight men over me and people like me who do the work so that you can be comfortable. You think that I dont know that a lot of yall are walking around in Houston telling others who dare to work with me "I dont see how you can work with him, he on that gay shit." What the fuck is "gay shit?"

"IN FACT, we do have the same issues and then we are treated as if we are no longer Black and are still niggers in the eyes of society on a systemic and structural level...There is an overriding theme that we are being attacked from all sides, do you see it?" APW

Last year I touched on all of this in my post, Black Lives Matter: Sandra Bland & The Irony of Homophobia. I said that "There are many times that I speak of homophobia in the Black community to the anger of many who look like me. The reason why, is because many don't want Blacks to get even more of a bad rap more than is already is thrown at us. They rebut with the response that White people are just as homophobic, but I KNOW THAT already. We should be able to talk about issues within our communities of orientation on a micro level if we are to demand respect from other communities. Many occurrences of anti-LGBT happen very close to home and from people who look like us, it is sad. It is saddening that I came across this video of Sandra Bland, using language and sharing feelings that I fight against on a regular basis..."